Your Story

Once upon a time

He threw his wedding ring across the room while yelling at you.

It was an argument. All couples have them. He apologized. You forgave. You stayed.

Once upon a time

He would beg you to tell him when he was being an idiot. You had trouble with that, you could not do it. So, he continued.

After all, you took vows.  Idiot or not people have their moments and you promised to stay forever. You stayed.

Once upon a time

The conversation, while he was driving, became heated when having a baby conversation came up again. As the car passed by your future residence he said, “I don’t want kids.” You yelled, “Why didn’t you tell me this before we married?”

Without looking at you he said, “I’m telling you now.”

Surely this is a blow, but not for you. Marriage is sacred, and things will work out.  You forgive. You stayed.

Once upon a time

You are in awe when he gives you the choice of a birthday present. Either a brand-new camera or a puppy. You instantly remember why you fell in love with him. You have wanted a dog your entire life.  You adopt a puppy. When she dies 10 years later the pain you will feel is a prequel to what lies ahead.

Marriage is joy and sorrow. Marriage is about compromise. You choose to live with the anger. Why wouldn’t you? You now have a puppy. You stayed.

Once upon a time

Your Mom admitted to you that she felt something was not quite right with him. The way he yelled his anger at the puppy, made her sad. You know she witnessed everything. She always did.

Puppies are challenging. They require patience. Like children, they love to test your resolve. This too will pass. You stayed.

Once upon a time

You feel that life will continue as is for the rest of the marriage. You make a decision to tell him that you can no longer live this way. He understands. He knows that life is challenging for you both. He promises to change. You need to believe him. Why would he lie? This conversation happens from time to time over the next 8 years.

You force yourself to lock up the ugly stuff. You are just as guilty for the things being so wrong. Occasionally, you believe that he is right. You make him act this way. You stayed.

Once upon a time

It is a day in March when you make him extremely angry. You remember bits. Screaming, threatening to take your child, your car insurance being ripped up in front of you, a yogurt container being thrown at you while you hold your child. There are many words.

You have a conversation with a friend about this incident, and the one before, and the one before that.  You tell her that you are just as much to blame. You must be for someone to become that angry with you.  You share your story in one of your guest bedrooms, in the huge house that you live in. You hate this house.

After the conversation, you head to the basement.  It is time. Upon entering the room, he looks at you and says, “The next time you have a conversation, make sure you are not in a room with a turned-on baby monitor.”

For a moment you are stunned.  How could you be this stupid? You shake off the disbelief. You hear your voice and the words. “Now you will believe me.”

This is not what you wanted. This is how it is. This time you can not go back. This time you leave.