Regret

I find this word interesting. When I was younger I believed that to regret a decision, was a waste of time. I felt that I learned something from each moment and each decision that I made.  My experiences helped me to grow and learn. Then August 22^nd, 2017 happened.

Even up to the very moment that my Mom passed away, I truly believed I would receive a Hail Mary pass. I thought that something miraculous would happen and that she would wake up and be ok. This is the truth. I am a smart woman and yet, this is how I felt.

It was not long for regret to knock down my door. It is amazing how many horrible things you can recall when regret is your guest.  It took centre stage in my mind. It was stronger than my grief and my pain. I reminded myself of all the things I could have, should have, and would have done.  But I was too late for all of those “what if” moments.  The path which regret took me down was dark and isolating.

I am not a counsellor, or a doctor, or a therapist. I am woman who has lived and survived many experiences. I can tell you this, regret is a terrifying companion.  Pain and grief may feel unyielding, but regret’s sole purpose is to sabotage you.  Every day I fight to keep regret at bay. I understand the struggle and my heart goes out to all of you who are suffering.

You are not alone.