THE WAR RAGES ON

“Procrastination”, “I can’t”, “No”, “Not enough time”, “Some day”, “What if”

These are my Internal Demons.

“Now”, “Gut Feeling”, “Power”, “Independence”, “Love”

These are my Internal Angels.

The battle between my Internal Demons and Internal Angels rages on each day. I am always competent enough to find a logical reason as to why I am unable to do something for me. Here are a few:

Emma needs to eat…
A housekeeper is not in our budget at this time…
Oh, you want me to work, when I am at work..oh darn.

The question becomes, when I do have a free second, minute, or moment how do I spend that time?

Do I center all of my attention on one task in hopes to make it perfect? Yes, I am guilty of that.

I find peace and happiness through writing, playing and teaching Emma, watching movies with Michael, listening to my Mom, connecting with my network of friends on Twitter, reading, scrapbooking, eating, drinking wine and sleeping.

How do I ft all of these items into each day?

I allow what will happen to happen. I may not be able to enjoy each of these aspects each day, but I take joy with the ones that I can. When I relax and submerge into world where all is possible, the impossible happens.

My Internal Angel abets my zeal for life and all that it has to offer. And when things do not go as planned, my internal Angel reassures me that there is no need to worry. It was meant to be.

Though each day my Internal Demon connives new ways to issue doubt, worry and stress in my mind, the pattern is repetitive. I am learning to see the sings and fight them.

What are the signs?

Tension building my shoulders
Impatience
Feeling overwhelmed
I stop smiling

Once I am cognizant that I am in the throws of any of these signs, my internal Angel attacks.

What happens?

I pick up a pen and start to write
I relax my shoulders
I eat
I take deep breaths

I regain balance.